Lesson Learned

As I've mentioned many times previously, I'm a huge procrastinator. I love putting things off and am the queen of "later." When I think of things to do, I then always think in my mind, "I'll do that later." There have been several instances lately though, that make me realize how truly detrimental it can be to put things off.

So here is my new life's motto {that I'm really going to try to adhere to}:

Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can do today

While dealing with Tami's passing, it has become apparent to me how important it is to be prepared and to get one's affairs in order. There have been so many situations our family has had to deal with the past few weeks and it seems like there have been waves of frustrating news after frustrating news that would really have not even been issues had Tami been more prepared. This has been a huge lesson learned because I believe we all think that we have "all the time in the world." The problem is that we just don't know when time is going to run out. There are several areas where Jared and I need to become more prepared. We need to get some of our own affairs in order. In the past, we've always just pushed some of these things off to do "later."

The thing that's really bothered me though is my attitude and actions around the days before Tami's death. We were in town Memorial Day weekend as soon as we had word she was going in for surgery. Memorial Day we visited her in the hospital one last time before going back home. That day at the hospital she was still really out of it. The kids weren't comfortable at the hospital. It scared them to see her like that. And, I, {which I'm really embarrassed to say} was just impatient to leave. I just wanted to get out of there and I remember thinking to myself that we will spend more time with her another time when she's not so out of it. Unfortunately, that was the last time we spent with her.

Also, the day Tami got out of the hospital she sent a text to us saying how excited she was to get out of the hospital, how it had been such a hard process, and she was so excited to go home. At the time, I thought, "I should call her and tell her I'm so glad she's getting out and that I love her." Then my next thought was, "Nah. I'll just call her tomorrow since it's her birthday." Since she coded the morning of her birthday, I never was able to make the phone call.

Tami was truly an extraordinary person. She was the first one always there for us when we needed her. She was there for the moments, big and small. She was the first person to celebrate with us during happy times and the first shoulder to lean on during hard times. Every single one of us in our family has had times when we've thought, "I can't wait to tell Mom/Tami this." or "I want to show Grandma that." Man, what I wouldn't give to even get one of her 2 AM text messages!

My heart really breaks for Jared and his siblings. I've seen Jared go through the process of grieving for his mom. There have been moments of sadness, loneliness, stress, and anger, which I'm sure mirrors the way his siblings have been feeling. The loss of a parent is great---no matter if your 8 or 80, you want your parent there, to be that person who's always going to be there for you, be your cheerleader, and also tell you everything's going to be okay.

I know that Tami knew just how much we all loved, appreciated, and respected her. I just wish I had the chance to tell her all those things one last time and that during her last week I hadn't procrastinated for "later." So, truly, a big lesson has been learned in our household. Whether it's taking care of things you know need to be taken care of, or reaching out to someone that matters to you, I, for one, no longer want to put it off until tomorrow.